Archive for the ‘Teenage Perspective’ Category

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June 20, 2006

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June 13, 2006

I am on my Michigan/Canada trip (which, thanks to Jill, I now call Canigan) and am happy to say I have absolutely no news whatsoever. Know why?

Because I am doing nothing constructive. I am here on a two week vacation, doing nothing but relaxing and acting in a completely stress free lifestyle. Its a nice change. No projects or homework or appointments to make – for once I have a completely free lifestyle. Of course, soon enough I'll be hit by the absolute need to be busy with something or other, to have some structurous activities, but until then…

Its smooth sailing.

I've been doing a lot of reading. Its pretty much freezing up here at the moment, getting into the low 40's and 50's most nights, but I'm managing. Living an almost amish existance, I'm coping with my family's long made log cabin that's been in use for 80 years. Someone along the lines of my great-great grandfather built the cabin back in the 1920's, and now its our vacation house. Very nice indeed.

I do have some electronics. I've got my little DVD player, Mp3 Player and this old, slow laptop to occasionally check some email, but most of my days consist of sleeping in late, then wandering around our little town and reading away most of the day, until settling down and watching a nice DVD at night before falling into sleep. This is so completely non-me that its sort of nice, to come up here once a year and get away from all the hustle and bustle of home. I feel very old-fashioned here – laying on a hammock in our log cabin, listening to the radio and watching the fire in the fireplace die away, waiting for time to just drift off into whoknows where.

Well, I've used this poor laptop long enough, and am afraid it will soon die on me if I persist to keep pounding away on it, so I will leave you to your busy lives while I go grab a bowl of ice cream and let my mind wonder onto what I should do next. Leave comments, everyone, because I hope to hear from you all!

I'll leave you with one thing I've learned from being up North in this great escape from the world you all are living in —

There are times for planning, for structure, and for work. And then there are times where you should throw caution to the winds and sit back and relax. Realize when these times are, and act on them. You don't get these chances very often.


Being Young Means…

June 3, 2006
  • Dunking eachother in the pool
  • Hogging all the popcorn every once in a while
  • Drinking two liters of pop
  • Hitting eachother over the head with violent floaties
  • Running through the sprinkler…
  • … getting caught by the owner of the sprinkler
  • Running through countless backyards
  • Chasing the lightning bugs
  • Throwing the occasional innertube over someone's head
  • Waving at the cars passing by and hoping they wave back
  • Not caring how stupid you look trying to do the worm
  • Blowing bubbles like a motorboat at the pool
  • Going to a see a movie you didn't ever watch
  • Seeing friends in places you didn't think you'd see them
  • Wasting time in ways you didn't think you would
  • Realizing what being young means in a way you didn't ever anticipate

Nice Guys Finish Last

May 22, 2006

You work hard in life — you make good choices, you do good things, you do whats right even if its not neccessarily fun or popular… and it gets you nowhere.

You really try. You try to be nice to people, you try to always do the right thing and respond positively to things. But what does that bring you?

People are mean. People don't want you to be nice, because when you're nice, they try to bring you down to their level, to make them in power, to make you the lesser person. They make the life of a nice guy not so nice anymore.

So that makes those nice guys not want to be so good all the time; It makes them want to be mean, which will inturn make them want to do the same to others.

Being nice isn't as nice as it seems. Some are sick of the life of a nice guy. Some don't want to finish last anymore.

The Wall

May 14, 2006

It lives everywhere,
The Wall.
Isolating and blocking,
obnoxiously quiet.
The Silence hurts to listen to.

It blocks away all things;
bad memories,
things not meant to happen,
events I want to push away,
or hide behind its strong exterior.
The Wall is good for these things.

To guard long-lost secrets,
guilty remembrances,
and forgotten love.
To do so no longer seems hiding the world from myself,
but rather,
hiding myself from the world.

The Wall is my protector.
Saving me from judgement and criticizm,
of others,
and of myself.
This leads me to believe:
is it really protecting?

Who is this Wall seperating;
me from predators,
or me from the world?
Does it deflect plain,
or merely delay it?

Causing these things,
the ultimate of seperation,
is it really my defender from hurt;
Or my isolater into nothingness?

Friend Issues.

April 30, 2006

I have friends. I have lots of friends (whether you believe so or not). But being in my situation makes it difficult.

Take the dance, for example. At the dance, you couldn't find me in hardly any pictures. Do you know why? Because I didn't stick with a group. I floated around, visited with some of my friends, then with others. I was barely ever in one place for more than 2 minutes. But this takes away from things.

I know this might sound strange, but having a lot of different friends creates problems. For instance, its hard to say that some friends are better than others. While a lot of people have certain friends they stick around with the most, I can't say I do. I wandered around at the dance, talking to all my friends every-so-often, but I didn't get to designate a generous amount of time to anyone. I floated around then; and I float around in life.

Quantity over quality is really how it is for me — instead of having some really good friends, I have a lot of casual, acquaintance-like friends. And even though this seems almost confusing and wrong, it sort of creates isolation. Right now there isn't really a specific person I can really console in, nobody I can specifically match up to.

Sure, the friends I have are good friends with me. But the problem is I don't fit into a group. Think about everyone you know — generally when you think about them with their friends, they fit into a group. Where do I fit?

The truth is, I don't fit. I wander, I float, whatever you want to call it, I just don't fit into a specific group, just like so many other people in the world. There are groups at school: the jocks, the prom queens, the dramatists, the ACE students… I'm welcome to certain groups, but I'm just not the type of person that would be able to exist that way. When it comes down to it, I simply can't be in any groups;

so where does that leave me?

When Bad Things Happen

April 26, 2006

"Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every-time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day…"
     -Daniel Powter 2005, "Bad Bay"

These lyrics show only give a taste of what its like to have a really bad day. As a teenager, bad things happen all the time. It isn't controllable — there are so many things that are just so dangerous to mess around with. There are all kinds of problems to face, such as relationships, friends, homework, grades, and even family problems. It seems like one after another, problems happen. Right after one problem is fixed, another one starts up again. They seem so aggravating, but the sad thing is, they're unavoidable. Trying to make things better doesn't seem to help; it usually only makes things worse. Setting out and saying, "today will be a good day," makes you somewhat overconfident, which usually results in unfulfilled satisfaction. So what is there to do?

Forget about it. The fact that you can identify with this post ensures that you're normal — that having a bad day is normal. Don't think the world's always against you, because the fact is 99% of the teenage population feels the exact same way. Sometimes we have really bad days, and some times we don't. The important thing is that you recognize that having a bad time is normal and that although it may not seem like it, everybody has bad days; stressing out over them isn't going to help.

Growing Up…

April 25, 2006

"Maybe when I get my license, Marena and I can take road trips to come see you…"

This is what my friend Candace from JBA said. It really got me thinking.

We really aren't far from our licenses, which means we'll be able to drive pretty much anywhere we want…

Which means independence.

But that's the first step in a short series of events leading to being on your own in the world.

I didn't realize until just now how scary that is…

Right now we're kind of stuck between two sides; childhood and adulthood. We aren't really in either place. So its hard to figure out who you are when you can't figure out if you're an adult or a kid.

I was washing the dishes tonight, and all of a sudden, I was thinking, "I have big hands!" I don't know what triggered it, and it was very strange… but the fact is we're growing up.

Sure, this is a good thing in a lot of ways, but then again, it isn't. Once we're older, we've lost a lot of our innocence. We see things in life so disgusting, so harsh and so scarring that its almost scary.

So many times nowadays I think less about the present and more about the past and the future — I dream about what it was like way back when, and I plan what's going to happen.

There's a quote by John Lennon that says;

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

And this is true. The things I most miss are things that weren't supposed to happen… just hanging out with friends, just everyday life… and now I realize that this is all over. We're moving on and growing up. We look forward, we plan forward, and we keep going full-fledged forward. And now I realize…

There's no going back.

From the Desk of a Confused Perfectionist…

April 23, 2006

I had a plan. It was a wonderful plan. But like so many wonderful things, it was spoiled. So now it is gone.

Why is it that when you plan something out, spending hours and hours just sitting in bed, thinking about it, wondering and day dreaming, it simply disappears? It fades away, as if it didn't matter; as if it never would have happened in the first place.

I had such a wonderfully thought out, foolproof plan; and it vanished. But these types of plans don't just simply dissipate – no, first they change. They morph over and over, making you remodel, forcing you to spend longer on the subject. And you thought it was going to actually happen.

But like so many times, the plan fails. It flops over and simply dies. You calculated, examined, dissected every bit — but one little detail got it. One detail you missed; its not just a detail though. Its what this whole plan was about; in short, its core reasoning and foundation. Without this, you have nothing.

And so do I. The plan has failed, and my whole set of scheduled events has gone with it. Maybe I should have planned longer, harder, more concentratingly;

or maybe I shouldn't have planned at all.



April 21, 2006

Neil. What can I say about him? He is… well… Neil.

Neil has opinions. People have questions. He likes to give them answers.

Neil will be helping to roll out a new section: his section. He says that people ask the stupidest questions. Examples of these questions (according to him):

Why are we on Earth?
What if the world ended?
Why is life so bad for me?!

He doesn't like these questions. He suggests you stop. But if you persist, he will just have to give his views which he says is the truth, what he says is the meaning of life and such.

In his brain, anything could happen. In his mind, everything is twisted around, and completely different than how you see things. In his new section: anything goes.